I have to admit that I was anxious about the first visit of Poppy and Grammy. I was hopeful that Vanessa would bond with them, but the uncertainty of it all created endless butterflies in my stomach. I wanted so badly for it to be a memorable time for everyone, especially considering all that had happened to make this moment a reality.
Aaron's parents do not have any grandchildren. They have been waiting for what seems like an eternity. Three years ago when we told them that we were going to have a child, they were beyond ecstatic. After our world came crashing down, in the midst of grief, I feared that their hope for grandchildren had been lost. It broke my heart to think that we had not been able to share the joy of children with them. Sometimes I would see a proud grandmother with a brag book and I would hurt so deeply for them, knowing that they were so close to bearing the cherished title of grandparents. For this reason, I wanted the time with Vanessa to be special...meaningful.
Initially, we were uncertain how they would feel about Vanessa joining our family, but knew that in God's plan, He would work all things together for his good (Romans 8:28). Despite my anxiety and doubt, He did.
To see them laughing together while ice cream (that Poppy bought her) dripped from her chin, seeing her smile with pride while showing Grammy her gymnastics moves, hearing her giggle as they were splashing each other in the pool, was worth the years of seemingly endless waiting, and heartache. When I saw the tears in Grammy and Poppy's eyes as they hugged Vanessa goodbye, I knew that biology no longer mattered ...they could now have a priceless picture of their grandaughter for everyone to see.
Lamentations 3:25
The Lord is good to those who hope in Him; to the one who seeks Him.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Laughing Out Loud
We've been parents almost a whole month now, and I have come to realize that everyday is truly an adventure. I have no idea what is going to happen. I just keep thanking the Lord for patience and allowing us to be Vanessa's forever family. Going into this, I wasn't sure what it would be like to suddenly become the mother of a five year old. So far it has been confusing,frustrating, but joyful (and sometimes I feel those emotions simultaneously!)
One particular day last week, we had some bumps in the road mixed with time outs and mini lectures about thankfulness, obedience, and proper footwear (no you cannot chase the dog in Mommy's high heels).
We were driving to church and I was just about at my limit with the princess attitude. We were barely going to make it to the service on time when an elderly driver pulled out infront of us. Aaron (who was driving the mustang like we were in the Indy 500) muttered, "Well that just figures." Vanessa shook her head and said, "But Daddy, it's not his fault he's old."
In that moment Aaron and I completely lost it. All of the frustration washed away and we just laughed. It helped me understand that sometimes we have to stop and take the time to find joy in even the smallest of things.
Proverbs 15:13 - "A happy heart makes the face cheerful
One particular day last week, we had some bumps in the road mixed with time outs and mini lectures about thankfulness, obedience, and proper footwear (no you cannot chase the dog in Mommy's high heels).
We were driving to church and I was just about at my limit with the princess attitude. We were barely going to make it to the service on time when an elderly driver pulled out infront of us. Aaron (who was driving the mustang like we were in the Indy 500) muttered, "Well that just figures." Vanessa shook her head and said, "But Daddy, it's not his fault he's old."
In that moment Aaron and I completely lost it. All of the frustration washed away and we just laughed. It helped me understand that sometimes we have to stop and take the time to find joy in even the smallest of things.
Proverbs 15:13 - "A happy heart makes the face cheerful
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Rookie Mom
It has been 7 days since the arrival of our sweet, not so little bundle of joy (and energy...). If I thought that mothering "just comes naturally" I certainly was wrong. I have to admit that I am completely clueless. Reality comes hard and fast when you are staring down a five year old shoe diva who decides she is going to wear mama's high heels to the YMCA.
Oh the shoes....the thorn in my flesh, but also my secret weapon. My daughter has 16 pairs of shoes. There were several things she did not have when she moved in, but she has a pair of shoes for every occasion. The battle of footwear has led to many a vigil at the time out chair. For some reason, the idea that you can't swim in princess shoes, run in high heels, or walk the dog in snow boots doesn't stick. It wasn't until I realized that I could use the shoes to my advantage...they could be taken...all except for 1 pair of my choosing and believe me, I have very frumpy taste in shoes. Although it just about did me in to see the big brown eyes fill with tears as I removed all but the lonely pair of unattractive shoes. Now I know what my mom meant when she said, "It hurts me more than it hurts you." I believe it now.
So far in one week of rookie motherhood I have learned: that 5 year olds have no sense of logical reasoning, naptime is more for parents than kids, everything you say can and will be used against you, and that despite all of the mistakes, arguments, and timeouts, the simple things in life are alot more fun,laughter is so much sweeter, and hugs are the best part of the day.
Oh the shoes....the thorn in my flesh, but also my secret weapon. My daughter has 16 pairs of shoes. There were several things she did not have when she moved in, but she has a pair of shoes for every occasion. The battle of footwear has led to many a vigil at the time out chair. For some reason, the idea that you can't swim in princess shoes, run in high heels, or walk the dog in snow boots doesn't stick. It wasn't until I realized that I could use the shoes to my advantage...they could be taken...all except for 1 pair of my choosing and believe me, I have very frumpy taste in shoes. Although it just about did me in to see the big brown eyes fill with tears as I removed all but the lonely pair of unattractive shoes. Now I know what my mom meant when she said, "It hurts me more than it hurts you." I believe it now.
So far in one week of rookie motherhood I have learned: that 5 year olds have no sense of logical reasoning, naptime is more for parents than kids, everything you say can and will be used against you, and that despite all of the mistakes, arguments, and timeouts, the simple things in life are alot more fun,laughter is so much sweeter, and hugs are the best part of the day.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Placement Day
In twelve hours we become parents. We just got home this afternoon from our 10 year anniversary trip to Alaska. It was an amazing time with Aaron in the beauty and quiet of God's splendor and I can honestly say that I have a complete peace. I have no idea what to expect or what to do, but I know that God has prepared us for this moment and he will prepare us for the rest of the journey.
Despite my jet lag, I decorated the kitchen with pink and green streamers and balloons for our celebration. My incredible friend and neighbor made the perfect Welcome to our Home banner and now everything is complete for the party....this doesn't mean that I am completely ready though (is anyone really???)
I have to accept that I will never have it all together or know what is coming next. I think this is God's way of saying..."Just trust me.." For awhile I was afraid until I realized that God does not give us the spirit of fear (2 Tim. 1:7). The fear is coming from me. The lack of control I feel or the possibility that I may totally fail her as a mother are things that haunt my mind, but then I have to remember that those thoughts are not of the Lord. He has called us to this task and it will take total reliance on Him.
It is only through God's grace that we are even given the chance to know and love this beautiful little girl. Every time I think about her, I am humbled. So I sit here, with butterflies of excitement inside, at the edge of this journey, knowing that sometimes being in the center of God's will means taking a great leap of faith.
Despite my jet lag, I decorated the kitchen with pink and green streamers and balloons for our celebration. My incredible friend and neighbor made the perfect Welcome to our Home banner and now everything is complete for the party....this doesn't mean that I am completely ready though (is anyone really???)
I have to accept that I will never have it all together or know what is coming next. I think this is God's way of saying..."Just trust me.." For awhile I was afraid until I realized that God does not give us the spirit of fear (2 Tim. 1:7). The fear is coming from me. The lack of control I feel or the possibility that I may totally fail her as a mother are things that haunt my mind, but then I have to remember that those thoughts are not of the Lord. He has called us to this task and it will take total reliance on Him.
It is only through God's grace that we are even given the chance to know and love this beautiful little girl. Every time I think about her, I am humbled. So I sit here, with butterflies of excitement inside, at the edge of this journey, knowing that sometimes being in the center of God's will means taking a great leap of faith.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Bigger Picture
We first saw her dimpled face at the end of March. Her big brown eyes stared back at us from the agency website. No sooner had we looked at her picture, and the next day we received a call. The social worker believed that this beautiful 5 year old girl would be a great match for our family.
Little did we know that 50 couples had applied to meet her, and we were chosen without even realizing it. We had a few interviews to determine if this was the right fit and on May 11th we were able to meet her.
I had never been so nervous in my entire life. I had no idea what I would feel or think. She was full of life and energy as we watched her ride her bike and play in the yard, but it wasn't until she spent her first full day with us that Aaron and I had a glimpse of the amazing person she is and will be.
She has brought joy into our lives in the simple things and we know that she will challenge us beyond what we could imagine. She has spent the last several weekends with us and at the end of June, she will live with us full time and hopefully forever. We continue to pray as the adoption process could be finalized in 3-6 months.
Never in my wildest dreams could I have pictured this path for my life and I am thankful that the Lord takes the jumbled pieces, puts them together,and gives us a bigger picture.
Little did we know that 50 couples had applied to meet her, and we were chosen without even realizing it. We had a few interviews to determine if this was the right fit and on May 11th we were able to meet her.
I had never been so nervous in my entire life. I had no idea what I would feel or think. She was full of life and energy as we watched her ride her bike and play in the yard, but it wasn't until she spent her first full day with us that Aaron and I had a glimpse of the amazing person she is and will be.
She has brought joy into our lives in the simple things and we know that she will challenge us beyond what we could imagine. She has spent the last several weekends with us and at the end of June, she will live with us full time and hopefully forever. We continue to pray as the adoption process could be finalized in 3-6 months.
Never in my wildest dreams could I have pictured this path for my life and I am thankful that the Lord takes the jumbled pieces, puts them together,and gives us a bigger picture.
Picking Up the Pieces
"Do not be impatient for the Lord to act. Walk steadily his path and He will honor you." Psalm 37:34
This verse has been on the chalk board in my kitchen for 3 years. I wrote it at a time when things in my life seemed to have shattered into a million pieces.Through the loss of a child and three surgeries,I felt like I would never understand God's purpose and plan. It didn't seem fair that I not only lost a child, but would face considerable risk if we ever tried to have a family again.
But through it all, God has helped us pick up the pieces and led us down the road to adoption. We decided that we wanted to adopt an older child as opposed to an infant. We started the process 2 years ago and at times it seemed like it would go on forever...insurmountable paper work and red tape! We finally finished the application process in January 2011.
In February, we started looking for a family. It was heartbreaking to see the faces of adoptable children on countless brochures.There are hundreds of children that need families. Who was I to decide which child I wanted? Every child should feel wanted and loved. The realization of this need was staggering. We told the agency we were very open to any age, gender, race, or sibling group. Even though at times I was impatient and doubtful, God was putting the pieces together and we would eventually see the bigger picture.
This verse has been on the chalk board in my kitchen for 3 years. I wrote it at a time when things in my life seemed to have shattered into a million pieces.Through the loss of a child and three surgeries,I felt like I would never understand God's purpose and plan. It didn't seem fair that I not only lost a child, but would face considerable risk if we ever tried to have a family again.
But through it all, God has helped us pick up the pieces and led us down the road to adoption. We decided that we wanted to adopt an older child as opposed to an infant. We started the process 2 years ago and at times it seemed like it would go on forever...insurmountable paper work and red tape! We finally finished the application process in January 2011.
In February, we started looking for a family. It was heartbreaking to see the faces of adoptable children on countless brochures.There are hundreds of children that need families. Who was I to decide which child I wanted? Every child should feel wanted and loved. The realization of this need was staggering. We told the agency we were very open to any age, gender, race, or sibling group. Even though at times I was impatient and doubtful, God was putting the pieces together and we would eventually see the bigger picture.
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